i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I deserve this hangover.
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