Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
i think my cat just said my name.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
