Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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