Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
