Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize