is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
