sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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