so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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