DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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