Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
