You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
