Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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