I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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