the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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