my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
