you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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