I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
