If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
