I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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