I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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