Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
