hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize