I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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