wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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