he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
3pm strippers are depressing
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
