SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
