Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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