told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
