he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
