....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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