It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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