I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
