What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
