I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
