Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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