either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
