4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
