I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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