You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
