I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
