connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Boobs are out for the taking
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
