How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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