there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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