how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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