The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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