Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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