You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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