the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you traded sex for a burrito?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Randomize
