I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
