is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
