Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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