Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
