i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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