white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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