We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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