Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Randomize
