Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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