I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
