may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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