Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
