porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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