Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
