She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
