I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
