i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
