So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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