I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
