Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
