The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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