Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
