I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
