i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
