i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
